For parents, watching a young adult struggle to find direction after leaving education can be an uncertain and emotionally difficult experience.
When a young person is not in education, employment, or training commonly referred to as a NEET the impact can extend beyond their own confidence and future prospects. It can also place significant financial and emotional pressure on the wider family.
On the latest episode of Accelerating Your Wealth, financial adviser and wealth coach Rebecca Robertson explores the challenges facing families supporting young adults who are struggling to find their next step, drawing on her own experiences as a parent.
Why structure matters
Robertson says one of the most important things parents can do is introduce some form of structure, even if the young person does not yet know what they want to do with their life.
She describes how her own daughter benefited from having a plan after finishing school, including studying business and entrepreneurship at college.
The key lesson, she says, was that having something to work towards helped provide clarity and focus.
For a young person who is not working or studying, long periods without structure can make it harder to make decisions and build confidence.
That does not necessarily mean immediately finding a full-time job or committing to a particular career.
Volunteering, work experience, online courses, apprenticeships, part-time work or even taking on responsibilities at home can all provide useful structure while a longer-term direction is worked out.
Parents can struggle with guilt and uncertainty
The situation can be particularly difficult for parents, who may question whether they have done enough to prepare their child for adulthood.
Robertson says parents can experience guilt, worry and frustration when a child reaches adulthood but does not follow the path they expected.
There can also be a temptation to compare a young person’s experience with their own.
But Robertson argues that today’s young adults are entering a very different world from previous generations.
The labour market, education system, cost of living and social pressures have all changed, while mental health and confidence issues can also affect a young person’s ability to move forward.
Rather than imposing expectations based on their own childhood, parents may need to focus on identifying the individual young person’s strengths and interests.
Financial dependence can continue into adulthood
For families, supporting a young adult who is not earning can become expensive.
Food, transport, petrol, mobile phones, hobbies and other everyday expenses can continue to be covered by parents, potentially for years after a child reaches adulthood.
Robertson says this can also make it difficult for young people to understand the true value of money if they have not yet had to earn it themselves.
She uses the example of petrol costs to illustrate how easily everyday expenses can be underestimated.
For parents, the challenge is therefore to provide support without creating an open-ended financial commitment.
Set boundaries around financial support
Robertson recommends having open and honest conversations about what parents are prepared to pay for and what they are not.
That might mean agreeing to pay for travel to college, training or work experience while expecting the young person to fund their own social activities once they begin earning.
It can also mean introducing household responsibilities.
Walking the dog, helping with household chores, collecting younger siblings or contributing in other ways can help establish the idea that being part of a household comes with responsibilities.
Once a young person starts earning, parents can also consider introducing a contribution towards household costs.
The aim is not necessarily to punish or withdraw support. Instead, it is about helping young people make the gradual transition towards financial independence.
Small steps can be more effective than big decisions
A young person who lacks confidence can quickly become overwhelmed if they are expected to make major decisions about their entire future.
Robertson suggests breaking the process down into manageable steps.
That could mean applying for one job, investigating one apprenticeship, enrolling on a short course or arranging a week of work experience.
Volunteering can also offer an opportunity to gain experience and discover whether a particular area of work is suitable.
The objective is progress rather than perfection.
For some young people, several small jobs or activities may provide a better starting point than immediately pursuing one traditional career path.
Apprenticeships and work experience can open doors
Apprenticeships are another route Robertson highlights.
They can provide young people with practical experience while allowing them to work towards qualifications.
Robertson’s own daughter previously undertook an apprenticeship with an estate agency. Although the arrangement ultimately did not work out, Robertson says the experience still provided valuable learning.
Her daughter has since moved into work within the family business and is training towards becoming a mortgage broker.
Robertson says this demonstrates the importance of looking beyond traditional educational routes and identifying opportunities that fit an individual’s strengths.
Parents should avoid sacrificing their own financial future
One of the strongest financial warnings in the episode is aimed at parents themselves.
Supporting an adult child should not automatically mean abandoning their own pension contributions, depleting savings or putting their retirement plans on hold indefinitely.
Robertson describes seeing parents sacrifice their own long-term financial security to support their children, including one example where a parent prioritised paying for several children to attend university at the expense of her own pension.
The consequence can be that the parent reaches later life without sufficient retirement provision.
That creates the possibility of the financial dependency eventually reversing, with children potentially having to support their parents.
For this reason, Robertson argues that parents need to establish boundaries that protect both generations.
Teaching young people to budget
Even when a young person is earning only a small amount, learning how to manage money can be valuable.
Simple budgeting can involve separating money into different pots for expenses such as petrol, insurance, food, and savings.
Modern banking apps can make this easier by allowing users to create separate savings or spending categories.
The amounts do not have to be large.
The important lesson is learning that income has to cover expenses and that financial independence develops through repeated small decisions.
A young person may also have several sources of income at different times such as part-time work, social media work, casual employment, or volunteering alongside training.
Learning how to manage those different commitments can provide useful experience for later working life.
Start with one conversation
Robertson’s overall message is that parents should avoid trying to solve everything at once.
Instead, she recommends having an open, non-judgmental conversation about how both sides are feeling.
From there, families can introduce one or two practical changes, establish some basic routines, and agree on what support will be provided.
The next step could be applying for a job, investigating an apprenticeship, arranging work experience, or signing up for a course.
The important thing is to create momentum without overwhelming the young person.
For parents, it is equally important to remember that their child’s path into adulthood does not have to look exactly as they imagined.
The immediate objective is not necessarily to have a complete career plan.
It is to help the young person develop confidence, purpose, practical experience, and an understanding of money while ensuring the family does not compromise its own long-term financial security in the process.
Rebecca Robertson in the Accelerating Your Wealth podcast.
